LIFE OF A POET - BRIAN MILLER

Kids, just as I promised, we are featuring a very special poet today. Brian Miller, of Waystation One, who is also one of the admins at the popular dVerse Poets Pub, agreed to chat with us, and I am so stoked. Brian is low-key and never toots his own horn, but you cant travel around the poetry circuit without coming across his encouraging, positive and supportive messages everywhere. The man has a very big heart. I thought it would be nice for our members to get to know him a little better.

P.U.: Brian, I’m so thrilled to be interviewing you!! (What a total scoop.)Would you set the scene for us? I know you live on the East Coast, but what general area, and do you live an urban or rural lifestyle? 

Brian: smiles. you would think by some of my writing that I live in the city. I do love the city, but I live on a little over an acre at the base of a mountain just outside of Lynchburg, VA---the other irony being that Lynchburg is quite conservative, and I am not.

Lynchburg by flickriver.com

P.U.: You write so wonderfully about your wife and two boys, who obviously mean the world to you. We all LOVE the poems that are your conversations with your sons. How did you and your wife meet and how long ago was it?

Brian: my wife and I met in college in 1993. it snowed the night we met. i had recently been to the hospital for an anxiety attack (the only one I have ever had) spurred on by running myself down with a very unhealthy lifestyle. i was sober. she walked through the door as the date of one of my better friends in college. i turned to the friend sitting with me on the couch and told him that I was going to marry her. I never had thoughts like that before so I was as surprised as he. by night's end I had her number in orange colored pencil on an old receipt.

I did not even need it. I ran into her at lunch the next day and the rest is history. smiles.

P.U.: Sigh. How lovely. Where did you grow up, Brian?

Brian: i grew up in Roanoke, VA and spent most of my teen years trying to escape. we grew up on a hill surrounded by woods and extended family. the woods were my refuge and we would travel for miles in those woods as a kid. my first best friend was a hound dog. most of those woods were destroyed putting in a beer distribution plant.

P.U.: Sad to lose those childhood haunts. Were you exposed to poetry as a child? Was there  a moment, when a poem or a book had such an impact on you, you said to yourself: “I want to do that!”?

Brian: my mom was a school teacher, 5^th grade. but I don’t remember poetry until college. I had two poetry books---the complete works of Poe and American Night by Morrison. in high school I did write songs and play in a garage band, so you could say that was my first flirt with poetry without really calling it that. in college I wrote a handful of verse in a notebook and then did not write it again until 4 years ago.

truthfully the only reason I started writing poetry is because another blogger, poetikat, challenged me to write a poem as she enjoyed my prose.

as to a book that really shaped me or my poetry, it was probably Spoken Word Revolution…an anthology of spoken word and slam poetry. it exposed me to another side of poetry and I began to understand how words sounded together to provide rhythm to a story.

P.U.: Brian, you have the most beautiful family! As you are now a teacher, when you look back, was there a teacher who inspired you, or whom you admired and think about now that you are the one standing at the front of the class? I know you work in special ed. Tell us a bit about that,  if you like. What do you most hope the kids in your classes will take away with them?

Brian: Oh yes. mrs. Callahan was my English teacher in 9^th and 12^th grades. she was a crush too. ha. and it was not because she was particularly hot, but because of her mind and because she believed in me. she pushed me to write. back then it was short story and fiction that I wrote.

it’s funny I never really thought about being a teacher. I love what I do, but it is just the texture for a greater mission. I have a huge passion for teens. it was the hardest time of life for me and where I made some really poor decisions based on the emotions that I was unable to really understand. working with teens and kids brings me a lot of satisfaction. I love to help them see things that I was missing and help them live through it you know.

P.U.: What is the hardest thing about being a teacher? And the best?

Brian: the kids will break your heart and make decisions that you can not control or save them from. I lost several students last year to two car wrecks. one was a boy that I shared a bit of my lunch with every day. he was always hungry so I always saved him something and we would sit together and talk.

the best is when the light bulb goes off and a kid gets it. they may not even notice it, though I try to point it out to them. and celebrate it with them.

P.U.: Your students are lucky to have you, Brian. In your writing you reveal you left a six figure income for a life in the ministry, followed by teaching and counseling.  (This sounds like a really significant life choice and, from what I know of you, it makes TOTAL sense. You cant put a price on meaningful work that makes a difference.)

Brian: smiles. it is part of my story for sure. I lived very comfortably once upon a time. I was the golden child of business. in seven years I went from working the front desk in a local office to working directly for the Senior Vice president and being in charge of training across north America. I made 6 figures. I travelled all over the country.

the last year i was doing it I had a strong sense that I was not doing what I was supposed to be doing. I ran from it for some time and then a pastor called me on it. he had the same feeling about me and over lunch one day I decided to quit my job and start working with kids.

Tara

it was dramatic. I took a 70K+ cut in pay, but we never went hungry. I would do it again. ministry lasted about 5 years until I lost sight of that ultimate mission and passion—working with kids. when I got away from that, it dried up.

I went into counseling then and caring for kids and families and then last year on to being a teacher. the biggest difference to me is the feeling of being a part of something bigger. and something that will touch lives much more than selling money and collecting payments. maybe that is a passion for someone. I am where I need to be.

P.U.: Awesome, Brian. On behalf of the entire poetry blogging community, I want to thank and acknowledge you for how you somehow manage to comment on everyone, everywhere with such warm and encouraging comments, while running the wonderful and busy dVerse Poets Pub, working full time and being a great dad and husband. We all wonder: how do you do it? (However you manage it, we so appreciate you, Brian.  You are a man with a very big heart.)

Brian: I outsource to a call center in india.

ok, just kidding. that is what I told Claudia a few years ago. haha. I manage. I do it here and there, not all at once. I will say I don’t comment on everyone anymore. ha. maybe one time I did but I have trimmed back a bit because of balance.

I would love to encourage everyone. you never know who your words will touch, you know. again it is seeing the light go on in poets/people. if they are willing to put their heart out there and take that risk I want to encourage them.

I def don’t expect people to comment on everyone, but there are those that just drop a link and run. often I will say something to them to see if there is a reason. if they don’t respond and keep just linking or not responding, those are usually the ones that I let go and don’t visit. they are making a decision and so I am making one as well.

P.U.: Well said, Brian. When did you seriously  begin to write?  When did you first know: “I am a writer”?

Brian: I have known I was a writer for a long time. a poet? well I still struggle with that one a bit. I don’t want to give off a sense of arriving you know, because I don’t know that I am there. It’s all about the journey for me.

it’s one of the reasons you don’t see a book by me. I have several completed manuscripts saved on the computer but have not done anything with them. I have seen too many poets fall prey to a book. they publish…then they disappear. I’d rather sling words for those friends I have made than do that.

there was a point a few years ago where I turned a corner and really started to think about how I write as opposed to just writing. I was in a crit group for short story that really challenged me and I began to observe and study how people told a story creatively and how they used different approaches.

P.U.: What do you love about poetry?

Brian: that it is unpredictable.

and messy.

ha

P.U.: Who would you say has been the single biggest influence on your writing?

Brian: oy. I would say one of my greatest encouragers is Claudia. we crit each others work, several pieces a week…and challenge each other to do better…or she challenges me at least…ha. poets that have challenged me are nikki Giovanni, saul Williams and quite a few of the slammers I have met that no one would really know because they are not necessarily in book stores.

P.U.: Do you try to interest the kids you teach in poetry?

Brian is so busy, I had to take this shot

on the run :-)

Brian: I actually run a poetry club that meets once a week at the school, after school. last year we had about 8-10 poets and this year I think that number will double. next Wednesday is our first meeting, so we will see.

word has gotten out about me at school this year. I had a kid challenge me in class to a rap battle, so after a test we laid it out and I think I earned some props. in another class I told them I would perform for them if they did well for a week behaviorally. on Monday I performed the piece I wrote about the kid that almost OD’d in my car a few years ago.

I used it as a point to talk to them about the decisions they make.

so yeah. I do. smiles.

last night, of the great dance

tell me what you took

some x, some perks, some

red lights are pauses and pushes,
blurring street lights and bushes
& he's half in the seat
half in my face
fingers tracing things i can't see

oh yeah, and some

and i half expect him to grab the wheel,
kill us both
or get pulled over as tire squeal
around corners

"yes, officer the pills in the bag are what
is left of whatever he thought might make life
better, simpler, faster, slower
up, down
six feet lower"
& he's
all
over
the
place

telling me how much he loves me, doesn't
want to die, then starts to lose his shit,
a beligerant spider monkey, all arms
& legs trying to escape, bites & i hit repeat
on the door locks, eyes crossed to keep
one on the road and one on him

eighteen will an orgy with the grim reaper,
& he's still got three months til he gets there

'we're here'
door open as the car stops rolling
at the front of the ER and i catch him
before he can puddle the sidewalk,
slippery in sweat & spit

HELPHELPSOMEONEHELP

nurses, guards, cops, through triage
to a bed, crash, talking craziness, the bats
have flown and the belfry is empty, watch
his skin crawl by the look in his eyes,
shakes---

don't leave me, don't you f''n leave me

i
am sorry sir, you are not family
you will have to wait outside

& i wait
until he can no longer see
me,
before i cry into furious fists
for mercy from the stupidity
of those that think they're immortal
yet still
want to die

P.U.: Wow, Brian, this is so powerful. I'll bet you reading that poem to your class stopped at least some of the kids in your classroom from making a similar trip. 

I usually ask how blogging impacts your writing.  It seems redundant to ask you, as you are  such a huge presence in the blogosphere. But when you first began blogging, how did it start you on your path to where you are now? Did you ever dream you’d be running one of the biggest and best-supported (and most supportive) online poetry communities?

Brian: ha. no. I did not.

my first year of blogging I had like 30 followers and a good day was 6 comments. I did not know any better and I just wrote really poorly written stuff about what was happening in my life. the first turn was when I started honing my memoir writing a bit and thinking about how I wrote.

once I started writing poetry, I hooked up with Leslie, Pete and Adam and we founded One Stop Poetry---that was the first venture into poetic communities. it lasted a bit over a year. we won an award. it was cool. many of the poets I know were a part of that.

when it dissolved I asked Claudia to be my partner in starting dverse. we wanted a laid back atmosphere. my original plan was called dverse poets café…Claudia suggested we change it to pub…and off we went. we gathered a great staff which has grown and morphed over the years. I could not do it without them. we really have some great people that write prompts and visit and encourage poets.

P.U.: One Stop was great. And so is dVerse. What would you say to someone newly tiptoeing into the blogosphere, testing the waters?

Brian: run away. run far away.

ha.

ask yourself why you are here. that will determine a lot.

find a pack and run with it. make friends. read things you never expected you would read. return comments, dang it. ha. seriously, if they are visiting you, why not? make friends.

P.U.: What are your goals for your writing over the next few years?

Brian: move people, challenge them, shake things up. do things different. help them see the world a bit more. stop war. feed the hungry. you know, the little things poetry can do. smiles.

P.U.: What non-writing pursuits are you involved in?

Brian: I am an elder in a church start up. I have a family. I write poetry. I am in grad school. I work. that is about all I have time for. unless there is key lime pie involved. key lime pie changes everything. actually we are in the initial thought process on an overseas trip to do relief work. we have done some here nationally up and down the east coast, but we are potentially going to either India or Africa in the next year.

P.U.: Oh my goodness, Brian! That blows me away! Tell us more!

Brian: We most likely will end up in India...i so want to go to Africa...but i think we will be working with an orphanage in India...we have a long standing relationship with a doctor there and have sent teams there for some time. it is so important to have contacts with indigenous people and develop those relationships...far too many just do quick hit relief trips and while they do good work it is not a long term commitment and the relationships never get a chance to develop.

i did relief work after hurricanes in north carolina and new orleans...i also spent a summer doing work in pittsburgh with inner city kids and community redevelopment....and in harlan, kentucky, a really impoverished area, building houses. in the past i have also worked with a group that goes into bars in thailand and buys out the child prostitutes and teaches them trades and micro business to recreate sustainable income that allows them to live a life outside of the sex trade.

P.U.: Brian, you are my hero. You are really making it count. Making a difference. Your sons have a terrific dad. Do you love music? Do you play?

Brian: I love music. I have an eclectic taste. right now I am spinning john mayer/jack white/Jason mraz/jayz in the cd player…lots of j’s going there. I like rock, metal, rap, some limited country (mostly older), classical, blues…I can play just enough guitar to get me in trouble….and hot crossed buns on the recorder.

P.U.: Is there a poem, written by you, that you feel is representative of you as a person, or one you just plain like a lot, that we can include here?

Brian: the absolute favorite poem I ever wrote was… 

girl on the 7:15 train

across the body packed aisle
of the 7:15 train,
unbelievably, our eyes meet
and i read a poem,
in their endless green.

i would write it for you
but then it would be
open for interpretation,
twisting what makes them
truly spectacular, into dross.

that's what we do
with poems &
other beautiful things,
deconstruct them until
all that's left is old
shoeboxes full of
miscellaneous parts
and no way to put them
back together again.

doors swish open with a hiss
of compressed air & we
exit, going our separate ways,
me to work, you
snuggled tight to your
mother's shoulder &
i twiddle my fingers,
deciding to keep your eyes,
an unfathomable green,
only for me.

P.U.: Sigh. Absolutely beautiful, Brian. Anything else you’d like to say to Poets United?

Brian: have fun. writing is a gift. don’t compare yourself to others. let your heart out the cage of your chest. it will get smashed either way. think about what you write. find your voice. say what needs to be said and learn to shut your mouth at the right time. hug your kids & if you don’t have one hug someone else’s (but you may want to ask permission first) & the secret of the universe is hidden in mudpuddles.

thanks for the opportunity, sherry. I am honored. smiles.

P.U.: Thank you, Brian, as busy  as you are, for taking the time to visit with us. I am the one who feels honored.

Isn't he great, kids? A man with a gi-normous  heart. Be sure to come back next Monday to see what's up. Mary asked for a turn at this spot. I think she has something up her sleeve for us. I wonder what it is! Clue: there just might be cackling!