I Wish I'd Written This

Wilderness Lost

(for Bramble, my cat)

By May Sarton (1912-1995)

I

She was the wilderness in me

The secret solitary place

Where grow the healing herbs.

We had recognized each other

Years ago; the bond was deep.

Now since her death

Two seasons ago

The landscape is ghostly.

No small black and gold panther

Steals through the long grasses

And pounces on a mouse.

No one curls up on the terrace wall

Gathering the day together.

No round shadow sits on my sill

Late at night, waiting to be let in,

And then in one jump comes to lie beside me,

A long pillow of purrs along my back.

II

Distant, passionate one,

I miss you in my bones.

I miss you in my heartbeat.

I have mourned you for nine months.

What does not leave me

Is your great luminous eye

Open to its golden rim,

The darkness so dark, the deepness so deep there

I wanted to go with you to death

But in a few seconds

The needle did its good work.

You had gone-

And in a new time

I grow old without you.

It is all very still now,

The grief washed out.

(from The Silence Now, 1988)

Someone I know on facebook lost a beloved cat to cancer.  By way of condolence, another friend posted a link to this poem. I hadn't read it before, but I have a cat with cancer and although it is slow-growing, I know I'll lose her sooner rather than later. She is elderly, so the vet and I have agreed there won't be any invasive, uncomfortable procedures to try and prolong her life when the time comes.

And of course, I have lost other beloved cats in the past. Then, or now, or later, I could wish to have written this poem that says it so well. When the time comes, I shall no doubt write poems of my own, as I have done on other such occasions. They will be my poems, saying what comes to me to be said — and I hope they may be as true and beautiful as this one, which must surely speak to all cat-lovers.

May Sarton was born Eleanore Marie Sarton. You probably don't have to be told she was a well-known novelist too, and most famous of all for her journals. I expect plenty of you are already familiar with her work. She is now recognised as an important American writer. Though I've known of her for a long time, she's someone I've missed reading so far. I'm giving myself a nudge to catch up soon.

The most comprehensive online biography of her seems to be this one. As far as I can gather, when Sarton decided to make writing her career, she was always able to support herself by it. A glance at her bibliography shows that she was very prolific. Her Amazon page includes novels, poetry, memoirs, journals, children's books and volumes of letters, and is actually five pages. If I'm going to catch up, I'd better start now!

P.S. Heidi has pointed out in the comments that submissions are now open for the May Sarton New Hampshire poetry prize. I do like to be topical in my posts if applicable, but this is a coincidence — and a very happy one. For details click this link.

Poems and photos used in ‘I Wish I’d Written This’ remain the property of the copyright holders (usually their authors).