POEMS OF THE WEEK BY CARRIE VAN HORN AND SUSIE CLEVENGER

Sherry: Today, my friends, we are featuring amazing poems by two of Poets United's very first members, since way back in 2010: Carrie Van Horn, who blogs at A Net Full of Butterflies, and Susie Clevenger, of Confessions of a Laundry Goddess.  We think they will both move and inspire you. Let's dive right in.

   

PAPER CUTS AND LAND SLIDES

"Many of our fears are tissue-paper thin, and a single courageous 

step would carry us through."

~Brendan Francis

I never could walk in the rain with the ease of a star or runway model

I am not that girl

the one that takes the dangerous path

barefoot in the middle of nowhere

unconcerned with what may come

I am the lady that arrives early

to the Dr.'s office

on the verge of sickness

with an umbrella

not because it is raining

but because it could

when I leave the building

my bag is full of every document

known to man I could need

and my mind is even fuller

with the thought of

driving back in the rain

control is a small beady eyed old man

and no one knows his name

or where he was last

I have been trying to track him down

ever since grade school

I tried Marco Polo

but he was never listening

the only thing I have had control over

is my bladder

until about 2016

now it seems I could just throw caution to the wind

since not much remains in my hands anyway

jewel thiefs have ransacked my marble collection

it seems i never had them contained from the beginning

life is full of paper cuts and land slides

and somewhere between band aids and mud boots

I lost sight of the difference between the two

uncertainty is a scary thing 

especially when you are young

if you learn to fear and dread early

all perspective can get distorted

like the view through the wrong prescription glasses

all objects get blurry

everything becomes scary and uncertain

I am learning to change what I see

but this has proved to be a slow process

like road repair done by old nuns

still I try to make control my own ordained ministry

even though I am no minister

with time I have found

it is not what one acquires

that makes it clear

but more what one

learns in the process

of letting it go.

Sherry: I so wish I had written this poem. And I could have, for I am also the woman early at the doctor's office, in search of control in a world where very little can be controlled. I love the line about road repair done by old nuns, for my learning came slowly, too. LOVE the ending about learning to let it all go. You can't imagine how much that concept resonates for me today. Today's poems will, I hope, lift our spirits, and we need that these days.

Carrie: You have made my day!  I am delighted for you to feature this poem, and I am so glad you like it.  I wrote the poem specifically for a prompt and it kind of metamorphosed on its own as I wrote it. 

A wonderful lady that comes to a writing group I host at the library has been talking about identity, and one of the terms she used is "I am not that girl".....It resonated with me, and of course popped up in the poem as I wrote it. I started thinking about not just what I am in life, and what my struggles are, but also what I am not.  

Having the need for control in my life from such an early age has been a major struggle I have had to deal with, and the photo really led me in that direction.  Thank you so much for considering this poem.  I value your opinion greatly Sherry. You are such an amazing talent, and you hold a great wisdom of life and what matters under your wing and within your mighty pen. 

I love Susie’s poetry!!

And, yes, a lift of spirits is in order.  We all need it in these troubled times.

Sherry: While this feature was waiting to be posted, Carrie wrote another poem that knocked me out. I asked her if I might include it. This poem speaks of a recent tragic loss in Carrie's family. 


IT IS WHAT IT IS

Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be. ~Grandma Moses

~Sometimes my eyes are cactus near a flowing stream~

Life is like a dusty chandelier and the dimmer the setting
 the less you can see what can be done. 

~Sometimes my lips are bankrupt in a solemn fortress~

Life is like a triple scoop ice cream cone
and if you do not eat it earnestly while you can
it will melt all over and leave a big mess

~Sometimes my heart feels like just a spoon of pepto in a world of disease~

Life is like a crystal vase upon a table
it is meant to be filled with beautiful flowers not be empty on a shelf.

~Sometimes my feet are red wood trees in a fast moving blaze~

Life is like a tall rocky mountain
it is majestic and an inspiration to stand before yet also an utter struggle to climb.

~Sometimes my hands are frail like bent limbs on a dying tree~

Life is like an unbridled horse
that runs free out of our control
yet still we try to tame it.

[Note:

I have spent many years not seeing what I should, not relishing what I could, not being all I could be,  and trying to control what was out of my hands. It seems some lessons do not come easy.  Gaining wisdom has been like taming an unbridled horse.  It is hard, and it is going to take some time.  I suppose life is meant to be a process of learning and growth.  If it were meant to be easy, it would be.  I just feel a bit weary sometimes.  I am a slow learner and I have the bunions to prove it.    I am in need of a true vacation, maybe a trip to the beach to just walk the shore, count my blessings, and pick up some sea shells along the way. ]  

Carrie: As you know, I recently went through a devastating loss, and I had been thinking about life and all the struggles and loss we experience throughout our lives. The poem kind of grew from there. Thank you again, Sherry, for thinking of me.

Sherry: Thank you so much, Carrie. My condolences to you and your family on your very tragic loss. I resonate with your weariness so much. I hope you can take that beach walk soon.

When Susie wrote the following two poems, I knew I wanted to feature them. Let's take a look.

ONE LESS TEAR

In the valley of illness every stone bruises

as it presses into another unchanged hour

of breath bleeding closer to the tomb.

Have you ever watched your child suffer? I am.

Desperation collects its hand maids to birth despair,

tries to force me into the clotted womb of hopeless.

These are the times I must fly with broken wings,

fight melancholy’s gravity by on less tear,

and seek light in the coal night of uncertain.

My eyes must show tomorrow there will be sun

so the midnight of my child will know morning will come,

mortar my helpless into trust the sky won’t fall.

It is true. One never knows how strong the spirit can be

until there is no other option, no other view but hope,

no other words but... Don’t Give Up.

Dawn's bracelet, epitomizing the battle

she has fought for her health

Sherry: Susie, I know your family has just emerged from your daughter Dawn's health crisis. I applaud your mother lion heart, holding your child fast to the earth with the force of your will. A mother's strength, a family's love, and a daughter's courage has seen you through, no giving up. I am so thankful that Dawn has recovered.

Susie: "One Less Tear" came from the agony of watching my daughter, Dawn, fight through another health crisis. She has been on the battlefield for twenty-five years, but for us this has been one of the scariest.

She has had numerous surgeries, and lost her left kidney to cancer, but our family had never watched her suffer such extremes, losing over 25 pounds in six weeks, heart failure, kidney failure, agonizing pain, and so weak she couldn't stand. There were times all we could pray was for her not to give up.

Writing is healing therapy for me. There were many days I couldn't speak with my voice what I could speak through poetry. I needed to express the grief of watching my child suffer while being helpless to stop it. I needed to give myself permission to say I was terrified.

Sherry: There is nothing more terrifying for a mother than seeing her child suffering. You are such a strong family, Susie.  Soon after "One Less Tear", I read "Shaman Sunflower" with such appreciation.  Your spirit is much like that sunflower's to me. When bodies are challenged, spirits rise.

SHAMAN SUNFLOWER

Sunflowers ribbon their way

into my daydreams in subtle nods

to the yellow marble owning the sky.

Oh, to have such strength, bloom

when the eye is a desert void

of a single tear, and stand tall

in the withering.

Joy comes where happy can’t survive.

Dear blossom, you remind me even

the driest heart can drink light if it chooses.

Sherry: WOW, Susie! "The driest heart can drink light if it chooses." Yes, it can. My heart soared, when I read these words. Thank you. I love the whole idea of sunflower as shaman.

Susie: This poem came soon after I wrote "One Less Tear". I was spiritually and physically weak from watching my daughter suffer in her latest health battle, and one of my biggest comforts is nature, so I rflected on sunflowers I saw blooming in a garden I passed when returning home with Dawn after her latest hospital stay. 

Sherry: I can imagine the joy and relief of that ride home with your precious daughter.

Susie: I've always loved sunflowers. The simple act of speaking their name opens me to hope and light. With all the heat we'd been experiencing, where I live in Texas, many flowers were wilting from the sun and lack of rain, but those sunflowers I saw in that garden were standing tall. It was a message to me to open myself to light, to allow it to dispel the darkness that had been homesteading with its carpet bag of fear in my spirit.

Sherry: In tough times, the courageous choose to turn their faces to the light. I so admire your warrior spirit, Susie, and Dawn's. We wish her continued health. May she continue to shine like the suflower in your wonderful poem.

Thank you so much, Carrie and Susie, for sharing your poems and thoughts. We admire your courage in walking through your recent challenges, and for being such a source of strength to your families. 

Thank you also for your long loyalty to Poets United. We appreciate you!

Wasn't this moving and inspiring, my friends?  Do come back and see who we talk to next. Who knows? It might be you!